Category Archives: Thoughts

A Little Sad

Posted on by 4 comments

When I promised honesty, that wasn’t so much for you as it was a promise to myself. Every single thing I post is a little bit scary to put out there, whether it’s silly, or straightforward, or sad. I’m not sure why I’m being so strict with myself. Well, yes I do. I know that it’s good for me, and I know that writing is missing something when it is written by a person who won’t let you see past their walls. Posting about being sad is the hardest though. Vulnerability… Just the word makes me cringe. It’s so gooey sounding.

 

It’s easy to write a poem

When you feel something.

When passion rises

Words are cheap.

But when you’re sad

Every word has to battle its way to the surface.

I have nothing to be sad about.

All my needs are met.

I have people whom I love

And who love me.

I have access to all the chocolate I can eat

And the freedom and funds to do so.

I even have the Tao; something I can believe in.

I let go of resentment and guilt.

Yet still

Still there are days

When I am sad

And I can’t

Pin down

Why.

My sister doesn’t get sad.

She told me so.

There are people like that in the world.

There are also people in shitty situations

Who have so much trouble they don’t have time to be sad.

Maybe I’m not being true to myself somehow

Maybe I’ve inherited something

Maybe the happy people are the anomalies

And to be sad is merely human.

Maybe it’s in our nature to strive for more

No matter how much we have.

Maybe I’ll go to sleep

And tomorrow morning

Everything will be rosy again

As it so often is.

For me, the morning really does bring light.

 

It’s gotten better with age.

I’ve learned coping mechanisms

I’ve learned to express myself

I’ve learned to get exercise.

All these things make a difference.

But I guess there are some things

You can’t completely rub out.

Everything leaves scars.

Personal Business Strategy

Posted on by 2 comments

My friend Chad suggested I write a post about my business strategy. Since I do everything anybody tells me, here goes:

  • Do everything anybody tells you.
  • Develop a mission statement. Use as much vague terminology as possible to prevent locking yourself into any kind of forward development.
  • Use lots of stock photos. This really ups your online presence.
  • Turn off your brain while working to get more done. This ruins your quality output but quantity is what really matters in a capitalistic society, after all.
  • Forms, forms for everything! If a form isn’t specific enough, make another form. Place them in difficult-to-find locations on your site and demand that the proper one be submitted.
  • Prioritize. Neglect the things that can be neglected, and address the ones that are urgent. By doing this, you ensure that, by the time you address each issue, each client is equally pissed off.
  • Change tech frequently and for superficial reasons. Maintain all the old tech because there is always a singular situation in which its particular features might come in handy.
  • For the love of God, use sun protection you cursed ginger freak. Swim fully clothed. It is better to swim and sink than never to swim at all.
  • Apologize frequently if you want to survive. Everyone knows that everything is your fault. This isn’t just paranoia on your part.

Any more bullet points than this would just be ridiculous.

I don’t have an image to go along with this one, so I’ll give you an unrelated one from the archives:

IMG_20180607_144424608

There you have it! Ten years of office experience in a nutshell. Chad, are you happy. ARE YOU HAPPY CHAD.

Incidentally, Chad has some blogs and books all his own. Allow me this plug, as he’s always been kind to me:

https://www.blogger.com/profile/08852674870506731426

He has a dark sense of humor and an extraordinary working vocabulary and some kind of potato fixation which I haven’t quite figured out yet. He taught me everything I know about poetry, which I promptly unlearned. I wish you luck if you go into the viewing gallery of this man’s mind. You’re going to need it.

On Ghosts

Posted on by 2 comments

You might call me a ghost agnostic.

One time I found a video of a ghost. It was shot in a dark room with poorly balanced lighting on the camera, you know how it goes. The footage said something like, “MOST AMAZING SUPERNATURAL FOOTAGE etc etc.” You clicked on it, and watched a murky silhouette of a ghost. It was sitting in a chair. It kind of shifted around, like it needed to get its buttcheek meat properly situated. Then it disappeared. Wow. Most amazing.  People are thrilled to the toes when they see something they can’t explain, so they don’t seem to realize what boring lives ghosts lead. All of a ghost’s angst and drama is built around wanting to move, to get out, but being trapped by their own bitterness or sense of responsibility. It’s just office life all over again.

 

Ghosts are people too.

Ghosts wear too much perfume

They smoke inside.

They enjoy a nice rocking chair.

They use the stairs

Turn on the stove

Get annoyed at closed doors.

They pace when troubled.

They trip people

And pull hair.

They make phone calls.

They battle household pets.

They drop dishes

And run loudly into furniture

And knock over lamps, they’re clumsy as shit.

Ghosts go for walks.

Use umbrellas.

They’re very stealy.

Ghosts love musical instruments

But are painfully tone deaf.

Anytime a ghost manifests and picks a wedgie

There will be an idiot with a camera

Who distributes this fascinating footage

To the awestruck, stupidstruck living.

Snail Wallaby

Posted on by Leave a comment

I’m feeling a bit more sane, so I drew this.

IMG_20180627_212734845

Like is attracted to like. This is why snail wallabies are fond of straight-up snails. This is why humans generally prefer mammals as pets (unless they’re counter-culturists or sociopaths, who prefer spiders). This is why people who like spiders get married and lay egg sacks together.

This is why I’m reading so many blog entries, but only liking and following those whose worldviews I can understand. I reject anything that does not support my own personal delusions. Please don’t break down my wall of denial.

Opposites also attract, they say.

Given these two infallible truths, is there anything that doesn’t attract? We are just disgusting zitty creatures caught in the undeniable rip tides of our own hormones, aren’t we?

Stupid Addictions

Posted on by 3 comments

I promised honesty. The following is something between a poem and a journal; it’s how I sort out my thoughts. I have pages of this type of thing stashed away, little mental snapshots of who I was that day.

Don’t be fooled when you read it: it sounds like I’m hugely popular. Really I’ve only had a handful of likes and it’s already breaking me! I find myself getting obsessive, checking back, checking back again. I do the same thing with Facebook. Microrewards for each action (e.g. ooh, another like!) are causing my brain to spiral into an obsessive loop. Aren’t humans crazy? I think I’ll take a break for the rest of the day.

 

A nectarine in my palm

The smell is sweet, sour, tangy, floral

It makes my mouth fill with anticipation

The skin is soft; like human skin

Cool to touch

Heavy with moisture

A baby tree inside

It’s so alive

I want to bite it

Oh how I want to bite it

Take its life for my own

Every act we make

Is an act of destruction

There is no peace

 

This blog is already breaking my tao

What a fragile thing peace of mind is

Likes and follows haunt me

Opinions like a hurricane

And I find myself thinking,

Is this good enough

Can I please them?

 

I’ve got to get it out of me

I can find my peace again

I can blog and find my peace

It’s a level up

Not worrying about notoriety is easy when you’re unknown

It’s easy to be vulnerable

Where no one can see you

I can’t hide

If I hide I go backwards

I must maintain stability of mind

I must remain empty

Because when you let yourself fill up

You are no longer useful

« Older Entries Recent Entries »