Tag Archives: time

Phases

 

I haven’t been writing.
I’ve been fixing up the house.
I only write a little at night
Or when I must.
We go through phases
Like the moon,
Like teenagers.

It seems we can only improve ourselves
In one aspect of our lives at a time.

I want to fix everything.
Fix my health, my house, my job,
Keep up with friends,
Achieve sublime spiritual happiness,
All while writing three books at once
I want it all.

Ah, but we can’t have everything we want.
We are bound by the confines
Of our too-human bodies
And time itself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

Achievement

 

Have you ever met a goal and then felt hollow.
Have you ever attained great height
Only to discover
That the pole you were climbing was the only thing holding you up.

Deprived of our busy
All our razor honed focus
Touches empty time.
We lurch, unexpectedly dizzy.
Vertigo sets in.

It’s the day after Christmas.
It’s a scale reading your goal weight.
An empty inbox.
A renovated house.
When you’re out for a long walk,
but the sidewalk cuts off.

Goals create movement.
Movement ends goals.
Over and over, clunking forward
We struggle like fools
Driving cars with square wheels.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

Happiness anywhere

This is from a couple days ago.

 


 

Why so sad, Sarah?
Why so sad?
What is it that has sapped your soul
blood sugar?
hormones?
How crazy is crazy
How crazy is normal
How normal is crazy
What is normal
is anyone it?

I drip drip drip
like an old leaky fountain
like the disposal I need to repair
like the rotten corner of the house
the mold takes hold
it grows and grows
peel back my skin
you’ll see green speckles
underneath the paint

How exactly does one
care
what is motivation
and where can I dig some up?
What if
I have no bootstraps
what if
there’s nothing I want
nothing I need
nothing to say or do
nothing matters
I dwindle
nothing matters
I fade
nothing matters.
still I face forward
and chip away
at the time left to me
what future is worth living
what past is worth the struggle
I don’t like struggle
so I just
float
and watch the world move forward
I am pushed by the current
I could have anything I want
but I don’t want anything

once in a while I feel passion
I am mad with enthusiasm for life
It’s all about smelling the flowers, enjoying the sunset
spending time with family
eating out with friends
cooking, drawing, writing
passion is a flame
it needs fuel
it needs blood sugar
it needs dopamine

even then I don’t know what I want
success is vapid
money is boring
all I really want are the people around me
low expectations
already met
now what?

welcome to my first world existential dread
aren’t we pathetic

Who can find happiness during constant peace and prosperity?
What strength! What fortitude!
One who achieves this feat
can find happiness anywhere
has conquered life

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

Journal – Measuring Time

 

Notre Dame burned today.
I wasn’t as upset as I should have been.
Because history rises and falls
We make things, they fall apart
Nobody died
Paris stands
People will continue to create
Marvels
Which in time will crumble too
Everything crumbles
Nothing can stand against
The inexorable pressure of time.
Eons weigh heavy
Days weigh light
We continue to try to measure ourselves
And time
Using our brief little memories
Using our collective tools
Our hearts hands minds
Our clocks, calendars, history books
Our archeology, geology, cosmology
We measure and measure and measure
With little yardsticks laid out
Against the workings of the whole universe
Much too big for us
Like ants
We work together
We stand on the shoulders of our ancestors
We actually think
We’re going somewhere
With our tiny rulers
Our pyramids
Our steps on the moon
Our internet

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

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