Fresh Hell

I promised honesty. The following is something between a poem and a journal; it’s how I sort out my thoughts. I have pages of this type of thing stashed away, little mental snapshots of who I was that day.

Don’t be fooled when you read it: it sounds like I’m hugely popular. Really I’ve only had a handful of likes and it’s already breaking me! I find myself getting obsessive, checking back, checking back again. I do the same thing with Facebook. Microrewards for each action (e.g. ooh, another like!) are causing my brain to spiral into an obsessive loop. Aren’t humans crazy? I think I’ll take a break for the rest of the day.

 

A nectarine in my palm

The smell is sweet, sour, tangy, floral

It makes my mouth fill with anticipation

The skin is soft; like human skin

Cool to touch

Heavy with moisture

A baby tree inside

It’s so alive

I want to bite it

Oh how I want to bite it

Take its life for my own

Every act we make

Is an act of destruction

There is no peace

 

This blog is already breaking my tao

What a fragile thing peace of mind is

Likes and follows haunt me

Opinions like a hurricane

And I find myself thinking,

Is this good enough

Can I please them?

 

I’ve got to get it out of me

I can find my peace again

I can blog and find my peace

It’s a level up

Not worrying about notoriety is easy when you’re unknown

It’s easy to be vulnerable

Where no one can see you

I can’t hide

If I hide I go backwards

I must maintain stability of mind

I must remain empty

Because when you let yourself fill up

You are no longer useful