Tag Archives: Death

Journal – On fearing death

 

I am afraid to die.
I am afraid to live.
I love life but it is never enough.
If I had kids I could say, there, I did that, I made something good.
If I were a real writer I could shake the world up a little.
But I’m just normal
Trying to be happy.
Having achieved happy
I fall out of happiness
And must work my way back up again.
What if I get sick.
What if I only have twenty good years left.
What is the difference
If I only have fifty years
Or twenty years?
Either amount
Is nothing
Nothing
A wisp of dandelion
The heartbeat of a gnat.
We are born of an enormous universe
We are fleas
Specks
Motes
Less still than that.
Our time is tiny.
It is easy to forget.
Our time is a splinter of ice
That melts the moment it exists.
Time is my enemy.
Time is my friend.

I write in dichotomies.
I write about time.
To live in that moment before death
To never forget where you’re going
To never forget where you are.
Every second
Must
Be
Savored.
I read a story about a man
Going to his execution.
He tried to split every moment in half.
He hoped that by doing this
The last moment
Would never arrive.
Today I breathe
Again.
A victory.
Today I remembered
What yawns before me
Is an open grave.
How soon will it accept me?
How soon will I accept it?
And when I get to the edge
I want to look back and say,
Yes. I savored those moments.
I squeezed more out of life
Than anyone.
I never
Never
Took what I had for granted.
Everything was precious.
Everything was vivid.
Everything was loved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

Hold someone’s hand

Hold someone’s hand
Feel the comforting soul within it
Know you are not alone.

Life is a losing game.
We cannot dominate.
Hemmed in by death
Battling the inevitable
It helps
To have another living thing beside you
A reminder
That you’re not the only one
Holding fast
To this tenuous state.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

The Fall

 

When Fall passes by

It brushes some trees on top

Some the bottom

Some the side.

Wherever a leaf has been touched

It quickly spreads.

The torch of Fall

Kindles all.

They go graceful, as nature wills

They go with fire, one last glory

Immolating the world.

There is beauty in destruction

And the trees glow with it.

Filtering sunfire

Into their own shade

Coloring the sidewalks

Rose

Lemon

Baby green

Port.

With a farewell kiss

So light

Too soft for all senses

But sight.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

The Great Plan

 

I sat with God and begged him tell me why

The children he professed to love can die.

He said, “your human mind is limited in scope.

You’ll have to take it all on faith and hope.”

I asked him why he gave us little brains

Just strong enough to ask but not contain

The answers to the questions we would seek.

He said, “I’ll get back to you next week.”

I asked him why he we had so little choice.

I asked him why we couldn’t hear his voice.

I asked him why the pumpernickel rye

In my cupboard had to go all dry.

I asked him how, in his omnipotence,

He couldn’t get his people to make sense.

I asked him why the world was such a mess.

He said, “you’ve given me much to address.

I’ll fix it right away. Or in ten years.

Or maybe not at all. Why all the tears?

I am a loving God. I’ve so much love

I crucified my son. He’s dead but fine.

Isn’t it great? You are my children too.

Now I don’t have to do the same to you.

Once you had to smear blood on the door

But you don’t have to kill goats anymore.”

“My God, you wrote these rules,” I said in shock.

“Is blood the only thing you hold in stock?”

But God was getting bored. He waved a hand

And sent me off to join his choir band.

 

Years of faith and guilt were worth all this.

The streets are paved with gold. A miser’s bliss.

All day we sing our carols to His grace.

It might sound boring, singing in this place.

But praising in His name we are content.

Our wills are His, and He wants compliments.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

Imagining Losing You

 

To lose you

Unimaginable

You are half of me.

You are always there.

When I need a laugh,

When I need a cry.

You know me best

You read my heart

You see my soul.

To lose you

Is to lose myself.

A vital organ

Roughly excised

By uncaring reality.

I have confidence in my ability to face anything

Only because you support me.

Nothing scares me

Except

The prospect of life without you

Makes me dizzy with fear.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

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