Tag Archives: silly

Titled

 

Who left this page empty!
How irresponsible.
We’d better fill the space with words
So that when we close it and leave
It has something to listen to
And won’t get lonely.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

Hat Tricks, etc

 

every person is a joy
…to varying degrees

 


 

Contrary to my reputation, I am actually very likable.

 


 

Every day when she comes in she does a new hat trick

In an effort to make the receptionist smile

All tricks are met with stony faces

The tricks get more and more extravagant

She acquires a cane

She throws ten, twenty feet high

She bows

She draws a few spectators, regulars every morning to watch the trick

But never does she draw a smile from her target

One day she doesn’t come in

Another second day passes, she won’t answer the phone

They call the police

Who break in to find her

Wrists slit

Two days dead.

When the receptionist hears,

All she has to say is

“I knew she was fucking crazy.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

Walking Absurdities

 

It’s been one of those days when everyone seems to be having a rough time of it, except for me.

Maybe this will help lighten the mood.

 


 

What are we made of?
What is this puttylike substance?
Doesn’t anybody notice
We are ridiculous.
All stretchy faces and brightly colored insides
With two bright eyeballs in front
A wide mouth below
And the nose!
An absurd protuberance
Set far outward
So you can stick your shelf nose right over stuff
And vacuum up smells.
We’re not God’s finest work.
We’re awkward creations.
We’re the hairless cats of primates.
When excited, we bray laughter.
When we age our teeth fall out, our skin gets baggy.
We wallop each other with closed fists
And break our silly noses
Right across our stretchy faces.

Our trunks split into limbs split into digits
Which splay and wiggle and toy with things
Which pick and slap and pop zits.
Our toes are stubby.
And we do stub them,
Repeatedly.
Sometimes we break them repeatedly,
Through stubbing alone.
Sometimes they break
Because we collided with another clumsy person
Who accidentally landed on them.
Sometimes we break them
Because we were moving a couch,
Filling a nest with worthless treasures
We found and attached value to,
Which we then dropped on our foot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

Sniffin’

 

A timid family of Blind Sniffers, taking turns sniffing a daisy. Notice their color-shifting camouflage, which, apart from their incredible sense of smell, is their most essential defense against predators. Sniffer steaks are best served with citrus, as they can taste quite gamey.

 

sniffin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

What I’ve Learned in Swim Class

 

How to swim (or, what I’ve learned in swim class):

 

Keep your head below water.

Be a fish. You love the water.

It’s fun to pull yourself through water. It’s like thick air. It’s like Jell-O.

Breathing is overrated and unnecessary.

Keep your goddamn head below water.

Pear-shaped people have a built-in pull buoy.

Make sure your swimsuit can handle your awkward maneuvers. Otherwise it might fall apart while you’re swimming, and then you’ll have to play it cool while diving for the lost strap.

Don’t stare at the instructor’s aging aquatic mammal body. One day you too will look this strange.

Feel the water with your forearms.

Aim your hands for the center of your fish line.

Keep your damn head below water.

Pull each stroke with your whole torso, not just your hands.

Think about every little motion.

But don’t think too much about it.

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

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