Category Archives: Thoughts

Tonight was a bust

I was going to draw tonight, but I didn’t complete anything. It’s the cat’s fault. He crawled into my lap, working his way much higher than usual, leaving no room for my clipboard and pencil. Then Molly joined him, and they squeezed their eyes shut in perfect kitty bliss, as if to say, “Drawing can wait. Enjoy your snuggles to the fullest.”

Everybody knows you can’t win against a cat. I had no choice but to submit to their mighty influence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

Journal – Haggifying

I tried to draw for Inktober tonight but it was so abysmally bad, even I am giving myself a break. Mostly I’m just happy to still be able to talk, and breathe. It’s been an increasingly gross day. I’m watching this virus bloom in the warm culturing agent that is my body. My throat is closing up, a tiny series of trap doors, and with each one I lose another note to my voice. My coughs are coming more frequently now. Sometimes I have a sudden unpleasant awareness that I’m running out of air, drowning in my own fluids.

Why can’t colds leave as fast as they arrive?

 

Going for a walk with sick coworkers

K sounds like she has no nose

Uncharacteristically pepless.

H is physically weak

She nearly falls over trying to take a photo.

I cough and rasp my way through each sentence

But talk a lot more than usual.

Together we walk our fifteen minute break

Slowly

Cackling like old hags

Trying not to laugh too hard at ourselves

Lest we spur on another pulmonary problem.

“Flash forward thirty years,” I say,

“And this will be our constant reality.”

Let the healthy young men and women beware

The three plague sisters.

Flee from their slow, repulsive approach!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

Your Personal Slave

 

Let us suppose that you own a slave. You would be responsible for his/her food, exercise, education, everything. If you were not allowed to give him freedom, how would you treat him?

I really hope you said something like, “I would give him the best life possible.” You would try not to work him into the ground. You would let him have his own way whenever you could. Adequate sleep, good nutritious food. (If you said anything worse than that, go sit in the corner and rethink your ethics. )

Well, guess what? You do own a slave. A hopelessly devoted, flawlessly obedient slave. It is your own body.

Do you take good care of your slave?

Do you make it drink until it’s sick, even though it begs you to let it stop? Do you make it stay up late, doing your homework because you didn’t get it done earlier? Have you ever worked your poor slave until it fell asleep, despite its best efforts? Do you feed your slave good food, or is it forced to survive off of gummy bears and Cheetos?

Your body tells you when it needs something, but it’s always a gentle nudge. You get the final word every time. It is fully bound to your insane demands.

Ask it to run. Like a faithful horse, it will run until you say otherwise or it collapses. Ask it to stay up so you can watch one more episode, and it’ll put its own needs off to please you.

It timidly requests water, so quiet you might not hear if you aren’t paying attention. Do you give it enough? 

It pulls lightly on the corner of your mind and whispers, I’m happy to keep working but can we please take a bathroom break. Do you force it to work until the need is on the verge of disaster? 

It’s been doing your reading for four hours straight and its eyes are fatigued. Do you tell it to squeeze its eyes shut for two seconds then keep on?

So many people seem to be waging war with their bodies. They are disconnected from themselves. Hannah and I always joke about magazine covers: “Wear a new body for summer!” “Find your bikini body!” “Get abs!” They seem to think a body is a fashion accessory which can be shaped and molded like clay, or maybe they think we’re made of interchangeable Lego pieces. It’s a weird way of looking at your own body.  People talk about building it up, breaking it down, burning it, whipping it into shape.

Poor body. It never rebelled. It just gets tired sometimes. You were the one who got it addicted to television and donuts. It would love to break those habits but it can’t do it alone.

Make sure and give your body plenty of outside play time, fresh water, nutritious food, quality sleep. Keep it clean and listen to its spare, unselfish requests. Check that it has clear skin, bright eyes, and strong nails. If you’re treating it well, it will be happy to greet you in the morning and excited to start a new day with you.

Now you have a new weird way of looking at your body.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

Still under construction

 

The decades-long effort of thousands of knowledgeable programmers has culminated in the creation of the incredible powerhouse tool that is CSS3. Dynamic websites, beauties untold, unlimited creative expression is at my fingertips.

And still my website looks like it came straight out of 1991. Pffft!

I’ll get there… eventually. Once I figure out what I’m doing. Check out that sweet color gradient y’all.

 

 


 

 

A red brick path flanked by grassy green yard

Sometimes the things humans make aren’t so bad.

 

 

 

 

 


 

Different ways that strangers treat me

When I drive home on a normal day, people don’t notice me much. Everybody is reasonably respectful. But when I put my sunglasses on and hide my eyes, people get a lot more impatient with me. They pass me quickly, try to zoom ahead of me at stop signs, etc. I’m sure this has everything to do with the glasses and is in no way a reflection of my driving skills…

In the winter, if I wear my crocheted white owl hat with the cute tufted ears on top, people are really nice to me. They bag my groceries with extra care, talk to me like a friend, and look at me fondly. My adorable owl hat makes me an adorable owl hat person. I have learned that adorable owl hat people are very approachable and are already friends with everyone.

If I feel tired and weak, people look more nervous and keep more distance. I’m pale and get really dark lines under my eyes when I feel tired, so I think I can look pretty bad. Some people give me space, some people have a more supportive and protective air and try to cheer me up with careful, gentle jokes.

When I feel really sick and grouchy and have to go out and pump gas in my swishy pants, when all I want to do is crawl under a rock and die and I hate everyone, this is when guys seem most attracted to me. This has led me to the conclusion that there are lots of men out there who want a woman who will kick their ass.

These are huge differences in treatment, based on very small changes such as my mood or a single article of clothing. If you’re walking down the street, how differently do you treat each person who passes? Do you smile at one and not the other, mutter excuse me to one and avoid eye contact with the other? Why?

Once I read an essay or something (I’m sorry to have forgotten the details) by an African-American man. He noticed people getting tense if he walked down a lonely street near them. His solution to this was to start whistling Vivaldi. He said he could see their backs immediately loosen up. Hardened criminals don’t give their position away by whistling cheerful, cultured tunes!

I wonder how much of our personalities, clothing choices, etc are made to get other people to look at you the right way.

I wonder what we would each be if there was no peer pressure. I tell you what, I probably wouldn’t shower.

 

IMG_20180828_103253250

…who am I kidding. This drawing is my reality.

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