A Study of Denial
One from the archives. Witness the crazy of my previous self.
Don’t touch it
It’s poison
It’s a lethal little snake
And it will bite you
With its nasty fangs
And you will die
And I will cry
And wonder why
And bake a pie
Or a ham
But either way
I’ll gain weight
And lose money
And be lonely
And lose a friend
And lose a little piece
Of my heart
So stay away
From that nasty little snake
For my sake
If not
For yours.
When I first heard
That Santa was coming
I swallowed it whole
When I second heard
That Santa was coming
I let it slide
When I third heard
That Santa was coming
I scoffed
And went back to the kitchen
And ate up all of the cookies
That the children had saved for him.
Because I’m a bitch.
Sometimes you just have to run
Run run run
And don’t look back
And don’t look forward
And don’t think
And don’t feel
And scream away any thoughts you may have
Because at your ankles nips destruction
And in your mind despair is whispering
And in front of you yawns
A long, long life
Which is better left
Unexamined
“An unexamined life is not worth living”
Tell that to the miserable, the half dead, the crack whores, the ingrates, the shit of society who have thrown everything away. Tell that to the cruel and the heartless and the murderers and the pedophiles and the filthy sin wallowers. Tell them to examine their lives. Watch them wilt. Watch them find bridges from which to leap. Watch them push the examination away in denial.
A study of denial
When everyone sees what you won’t
You are protecting yourself from pain
You are defending your precious identity
You refuse to admit you were wrong
Because what if you were wrong?
At what point does denial first set in
When it starts small
And can be easily corrected
When it’s only a small worm in your consciousness
If it got caught and excised then
Nothing would happen
But if it is allowed to remain
It will feed on your common sense and perspective
It will grow to outrageous proportions
Take over and block out an entire lobe of your brain
Until you are simply babbling lies
Which a year ago you would have caught in an instant
And you are laboring over something so stupid
And have been laboring over it for so long
That you can’t even see it for the bullshit it is
And your friends and your family
Have given up on telling you
Because you freak out so badly when faced with the truth
That they’re afraid you’ll choose your mountain of bullshit over them
Some even get dragged into it themselves
And lose their sense to it
This is insanity
This is reality
This happens all of the time
We are all fighting to keep
Our mountains of bullshit
Because we don’t want to admit our wrong
It’s all about fucking pride
Why don’t we have the intestinal fortitude
To take a hit to our pride?
What are we
We build identities
We make them up
Based on what people tell us
Based on what we tell ourselves
And then we fight to protect this construct
Sometimes at the expense of our loved ones
Sometimes at the expense of ourselves
Jesus fucking Christ
We are so deluded
Sarah D. Silvey 