A Study of Denial

One from the archives. Witness the crazy of my previous self.

 


 

 

 

Don’t touch it

It’s poison

It’s a lethal little snake

And it will bite you

With its nasty fangs

And you will die

And I will cry

And wonder why

And bake a pie

Or a ham

But either way

I’ll gain weight

And lose money

And be lonely

And lose a friend

And lose a little piece

Of my heart

So stay away

From that nasty little snake

For my sake

If not

For yours.

 

When I first heard

That Santa was coming

I swallowed it whole

When I second heard

That Santa was coming

I let it slide

When I third heard

That Santa was coming

I scoffed

And went back to the kitchen

And ate up all of the cookies

That the children had saved for him.

Because I’m a bitch.

 

Sometimes you just have to run

Run run run

And don’t look back

And don’t look forward

And don’t think

And don’t feel

And scream away any thoughts you may have

Because at your ankles nips destruction

And in your mind despair is whispering

And in front of you yawns

A long, long life

Which is better left

Unexamined

 

“An unexamined life is not worth living”

 

Tell that to the miserable, the half dead, the crack whores, the ingrates, the shit of society who have thrown everything away. Tell that to the cruel and the heartless and the murderers and the pedophiles and the filthy sin wallowers. Tell them to examine their lives. Watch them wilt. Watch them find bridges from which to leap. Watch them push the examination away in denial.

 

A study of denial

When everyone sees what you won’t

You are protecting yourself from pain

You are defending your precious identity

You refuse to admit you were wrong

Because what if you were wrong?

At what point does denial first set in

When it starts small

And can be easily corrected

When it’s only a small worm in your consciousness

If it got caught and excised then

Nothing would happen

But if it is allowed to remain

It will feed on your common sense and perspective

It will grow to outrageous proportions

Take over and block out an entire lobe of your brain

Until you are simply babbling lies

Which a year ago you would have caught in an instant

And you are laboring over something so stupid

And have been laboring over it for so long

That you can’t even see it for the bullshit it is

And your friends and your family

Have given up on telling you

Because you freak out so badly when faced with the truth

That they’re afraid you’ll choose your mountain of bullshit over them

Some even get dragged into it themselves

And lose their sense to it

This is insanity

This is reality

This happens all of the time

We are all fighting to keep

Our mountains of bullshit

Because we don’t want to admit our wrong

It’s all about fucking pride

Why don’t we have the intestinal fortitude

To take a hit to our pride?

What are we

We build identities

We make them up

Based on what people tell us

Based on what we tell ourselves

And then we fight to protect this construct

Sometimes at the expense of our loved ones

Sometimes at the expense of ourselves

Jesus fucking Christ

We are so deluded

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