Tag Archives: mental health

Free Space

 

amazing
in this tiny place
enormous emotions

the stimulation is small
home is all we are
where nothing can touch us
safe

still we twitch
wage battles
wound one another
cry hysterically

when the chaos butterfly
flaps its wings indoors
the storm concentrates,
inescapable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

Barriers

 

She was drunk, struggling to articulate

Lengthy pauses before each sentence

Halting, frustrated speech.

I’ve seen this before

 

She fights to be conscious, despite the sleeping pill

Her mind heavy

Her body stubborn

Her tongue a lead weight.

I’ve seen this before

 

She is deep in the throes of neurological degeneration

Lips uncooperative

Forcing thoughts through the thick walls

Of her solid-shrunk brain.

 

All of them demanding to be heard,

To be understood

Willing their selves past mental barriers

Deliberately balancing simple words

Like a child stacks blocks

With their fullest effort.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

On Quitting a Bad Coping Mechanism

 

I’m not an expert blah blah blah.

 


 

When you first stop yourself from doing the bad thing
(Disassociation, denial, self-harm, drinking, addiction, etc.)
You think you’re going to explode and scream and have an aneurysm.
You cry and shake and wonder if this is what it’s like, riding it out
And if so, how the fuck do normal people do it every day?
You’ll go through three months to three years of instability
Where you snap at your friends and perplex them with your choices
As you desperately seek an outlet
Trying every possible vent that might give some release
(Art, talking, exercise, diet, therapy, meds, religion)
It doesn’t happen quickly
Not in most cases.
You have to heal
And healing takes time.
Once your bad coping mechanism is, not gone (never gone),
But under control
You find you need to make some major life changes
(New spouse, new job, new gender, new friends, etc).
As your current situation is intolerable
And was only rendered tolerable by your overwhelming self-distraction.

Slowly

The desperation fades.
The world comes into focus.
The people you once despised
Become people you respect.

Every once in a while
You’ll run into remnants of your old self.
You’ll know them through but they’ll look like strangers
And you’ll see right through their bullshit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

Mental Health

 

I have tools at my disposal

To keep my house happy

Good for trimming overgrowth that presses against the house

Or repairing damage from the environment.

That one is good for sawing down trees that might work their roots under.

This one helps me patch holes in the walls.

This glue prevents things from falling to pieces.

This paint keeps it cheerful and waterproof.

If I spray the house often, I keep the bugs out.

Moisture is inevitable, but it shouldn’t damage,

And it’s most important to keep the bugs out.