On Quitting a Bad Coping Mechanism
I’m not an expert blah blah blah.
When you first stop yourself from doing the bad thing
(Disassociation, denial, self-harm, drinking, addiction, etc.)
You think you’re going to explode and scream and have an aneurysm.
You cry and shake and wonder if this is what it’s like, riding it out
And if so, how the fuck do normal people do it every day?
You’ll go through three months to three years of instability
Where you snap at your friends and perplex them with your choices
As you desperately seek an outlet
Trying every possible vent that might give some release
(Art, talking, exercise, diet, therapy, meds, religion)
It doesn’t happen quickly
Not in most cases.
You have to heal
And healing takes time.
Once your bad coping mechanism is, not gone (never gone),
But under control
You find you need to make some major life changes
(New spouse, new job, new gender, new friends, etc).
As your current situation is intolerable
And was only rendered tolerable by your overwhelming self-distraction.
Slowly
The desperation fades.
The world comes into focus.
The people you once despised
Become people you respect.
Every once in a while
You’ll run into remnants of your old self.
You’ll know them through but they’ll look like strangers
And you’ll see right through their bullshit.
Fresh Hell 
Well done Sarah, and your summation is spot on (for me), I’m gradually renewing myself, both physically and mentally, no new spouse or change of gender(yet), but I’ve definitely toppled into my poetry head-first, and I’m writing everyday, which has helped in changing my ways, and has limited my mind in running madly astray….. xx
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Oh my gosh, Ivor, what would we ever do without our writing???
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That’s question I not know 🤔
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This was so relatable! 😀 Very true how bad coping mechanisms never really leave us for good, but ‘You’ll know them through but they’ll look like strangers’ – great line! Writing has definitely brought me a new outlet to express myself and given me new mental goals to aspire to. Love how you’ve expressed it here, Sarah! x
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Yes! Writing has also saved my butt. ❤
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Spot on. Unrelenting and honest look at addiction and coming through the other side.
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I’m glad to hear! I wasn’t sure whether this was very relatable or very specific to myself, haha.
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Not at all. Brought it to the reader perfectly!
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Yaaay 🙂
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🙂
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Tremendously insightful. Thanks for sharing this, Sarah!
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Thank you, Paul 😊
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Brilliant! ~ Mona
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Ooh, approval from the therapist!! I did good
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I think a lot of people who might look normal are actually doing exactly what you describe doing they are going through their own hell, just hiding it carefully (often for lots of good reasons and with great skill). It’s one good reason to be very gentle with those we encounter — we don’t know what pain they carry.
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That’s true. What is the meme… “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”
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Ah. Evolution…
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Evolution is real! I’m evolving into less of an asshole every day! 😉
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