Crazy days

A little bit about overcoming my emotional repression. This one was hard to share, I actually wrote it yesterday but didn’t have the courage to share it until now. Funny, what I’m afraid of.

 

What an emotional day.

I felt crazy at work to start with

The photographer’s flattery got me off keel

Then I got screamed at by a random road rager

Though I thought I took it well, when I got home I cried

But… in the photographs, my smile is real

And the tears had come freely

For me, this is a big step forward.

I rewatched a show and it had more import

And I thought, oh my God,

I’ve been missing out on so much of the storytelling experience

I’m going to have to read all the classics over again

Goddamnit all.

In Fashion

There is an ever changing beauty standard.

It is so slow, it can only be noticed

Every ten years

And the women’s hair and faces magically morph to meet this standard.

It’s like they don’t even have to try to change

It just happens.

Every ten years

The clothes change.

Everyone wears what is presented to them by the fashionable stores

And advertisement.

Every ten years

The human body changes with it.

Big butts, big boobs, tall shoes, abs, toned arms, long legs, tall hair, thick eyebrows, hair color, skin color

It’s incredible how much we can change of ourselves.

Every ten years

The music standards change

Everyone sings with the same voice

Everyone plays the same instruments

And has the same emotion

Everyone lives in the same house

Reads the same books

Watches what is on Netflix

Has the same job

Is this happiness?

What the hell are we

We are ants

Without a queen

Following the ant in front of us

In a death spiral.

Kitty has bladder stones

I don’t want my kitty to die.

I don’t want him to be sick.

I hate seeing him in pain.

He’s just fluffy and nice and doesn’t need this.

Hopefully surgery will help.

Poor kitty.

I want him to play again.

It’s my fault you know.

I fed him spinach

Only a little bit as a treat each day

But it must have built up in his system.

It’s frustrating.

You try and do the right thing

And another wrong thing is done anyway.

You keep the kitty inside

To prevent it getting hit by cars

Instead it gets struck by disease

Obese from boredom and inactivity

You feel bad for keeping it inside so you give it greens

Then it gets another disease from that.

Fucking cats should fucking be outside.

I’d so much rather he be hit by a car than this.

But Don doesn’t get it.

Modern medicine is a shitty fucking thing

You get to stretch out a life

You can’t really fix anything

But you can choose your manner of death, I guess.

What is the Tao way to handle this?

The Tao way would be to let him be outside and play

He would be so much happier

He would get his exercise

And unlimited grass to eat

And unlimited creatures to murder in that cold sociopathic cat way

And unlimited risk.

I want to let him have what he wants

Kitties are perfect in their Tao

They know what’s good for them

Unless it’s spinach.

Eating healthy isn’t so expensive

“Eating healthy is so expensive!”

Says the person who doesn’t cook? I don’t get it. I did a poll once of my friends and determined that some people think eating healthy means you have to do everything everyone says lately. If you can’t eat fats, starches, sugars, meats… what is there left to eat but members of the squash family, boiled? That’s not living. I think they want to live on a diet of nothing but superfoods, but man cannot afford to live on avocados alone.

I love food, so my healthy eating agenda is fairly open. Of course, I’m lucky because I have no food sensitivities except for a little psoriasis breakout when I drink too much milk. And red dye got me good once when I was a kid, so I generally avoid dyes.

These are my rules:

  • If you make it from scratch, it’s healthier
  • I mean really, make it from scratch. Tortillas, pasta, pizza, etc, are all better from scratch.
  • Try to eat less sugar
  • Try to eat less meat
  • A handful of almonds every day (I’ve noticed this makes my weak nails tear less)
  • Everything varied and in moderation
  • Lots of water, some tea or coffee

Sometimes I’m not so great with the sugar rule. Who am I kidding, I break a lot of these rules all the time. But that’s a part of moderation too, isn’t it?

My best meal for today is home-fermented kimchi (it’s not fishy and horrible at all, it’s spicy-sour and amazing), sour cream, mozzarella cheese, fresh spinach and olive oil on a baked potato. I’d take a picture but it’s ugly. I gotta start being better about taking food pictures before I eat them, but it’s so hard to remember when eating gets to happen.

This meal is pretty cheap. I love potatoes as a cheap carb/vegetable/meal. My sister Jessica decided that I’m obsessed with potatoes and even though this isn’t entirely true, I didn’t argue very hard with her, because I do like potatoes a lot.

Let me add up the price:

Kimchi sauerkraut (recipe adapted from here https://www.makesauerkraut.com/kimchi/)

  • 1 cabbage = $1
  • 1 bunch of green onions = $1
  • 1 bunch of radishes = $1
  • 2 carrots = $0.20
  • 2 inches of ginger = $0.50
  • 2 cloves garlic = $0.05
  • Pickling salt = $0.50
  • Red pepper flakes, spices = nominal
  • A week or two of waiting
  • Total: $4.25
  • One unlisted cost is that of a smelly house. I actually ruined an old nonstick pot of mine fermenting kimchi in it, the kimchi smell has permanently permeated it. I need a real fermenting crock.

Now that I figured out what the kimchi cost, let’s see what my lunch cost:

  • 1/16 of the kimchi (about ½ cup) = 0.13
  • 1/2 massive potato = $0.25
  • 3 T sour cream = $0.20
  • Handful of spinach = $0.10
  • ½ oz cheese = 0.13
  • 1 T Olive oil = $0.18
  • Total: $0.99

Okay, so it’s not Mr. Money Mustache levels of frugality but it’s about a million times yummier and more nutritious than a box dinner, which would cost three times as much, not fill you up, and make your day WORSE with its flaccid flavors. Or if you went to a restaurant, it would taste good, but you don’t really know what happened to the food back there in the kitchen while it was at the mercy of all those underpaid cooks, and you would be paying eight times as much for a damn potato.

Here’s something else to think about when moaning about the time it takes to prepare food. Thoreau explored this concept in Walden. He said in the end, everything costs close to the same. For example (and this is clearly not the example Thoreau used), you can spend $4 and 60 active minutes making a big jar of amazing kimchi tailored to your own unique tastes. Or you can work for 60 minutes at your job, gain an extra $8, and use that to purchase a really nice $12 tub of artisan kimchi of equal quality at the farmer’s market.

Humans are supposed to spend a great majority of their time collecting, preparing, storing, and eating food anyway. It’s the natural order of things.

Maybe kimchi isn’t the best example. If you really hate kimchi or cooking, you can spend $1 on a meal at Taco Bell, then you can use the other $3 to buy a gallon of gasoline and a lighter, and set yourself on fire. But you’ll have used up all your time doing a different stupid thing. One of the joys of modern civilization is that we have the luxury of wasting our time doing whatever stupid things we wish.

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