On Secrets

 

Going through my poems
Looking what to post
There are some powerful things I’ve written
And hidden.
There are a lot more
Terrible things, atrocious writings,
Embarrassing nonsense
I’ve hidden that too.
The best of me and the worst of me
Still under the rug
Am I even doing
What I set out to do here?
Am I a writer
If I can’t write what bleeds
If I can’t share what hurts?
If it’s all a secret
What’s the goddamnfucking point.

I want to be a monster.
If I ate people
I wouldn’t have to worry about a job
About relationships
About anything except the next meal
I could spend hours hiding in dark places
Or if I were one of the big ones,
I could go city-wrecking,
Send it all to hell.
But I wouldn’t be either of those things.
If I were a monster
I would end up
A Jekyll and Hyde type
Or a werewolf who transforms on the full moon
Someone who has to keep up a human pretense
And deal with human problems just the same
While also dealing with monster problems secretly.

When I was young
I loved secrets.
They made me feel special, unique.
I liked knowing I could do something the others couldn’t
That I’d seen something the others hadn’t
That I knew something the others didn’t.

Now I hate secrets.
I can keep the secret of another for a lifetime
But my own secrets eat at me
Like a wet infection
So I air them
Systematically.
And every time I do
I find
Everyone has a wolf inside.
Everyone’s like me.
There are no such things as monsters
When we all pretend humanity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

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9 comments

  • What a wonderful manifestation of thoughts and emotions! 😍 Loved the intensity of your words. Thank you for sharing such an incredible post. According to your convenience please do read some of my writings would love to know what you think about them. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  • Loved this! Very true.

    Liked by 1 person

  • In my experience there are plenty of monsters, some big, some small, some real, some conjured, some hidden, some grossly, grotesquely and gruesomely apparent. It is in taming the monster that we actually achieve something. That doesn’t mean it goes away — this is a complex world. To me it means it is kept at bay, managed if you will, not hidden necessarily. Acknowledgement is ok, even admirable, sometimes necessary. Those who are better at hiding the monsters depend on people like you to bring their reality out in the open in your amazingly creative, fluid, articulate ways! That’s when we can say Ah, yes, this I recognize — now what am I going to do with it? It is the What We Do With It, how we confront and respond to whatever beasts present themselves to us (whether from inside or from outside) that shapes us, sharpens us, makes us more able to confront and respond to the next beast.

    Liked by 1 person

  • “I want to be a monster.”

    The part that starts with this is especially strong.

    Liked by 1 person

  • fantastic! eating away at you like a wet infection…. OMG. this makes me want to write a post about secrets. if I do, i’m keeping this in mind to ping back to! ~much love~

    Liked by 1 person

  • Sarah, It’s very important to allow your monsters a little breathing air and time to roam freely, else they get a little antsy all chained up and made to stay down in the dark, dank basement of your soul. Antsy monsters are not happy monsters. I think what’s his face, the one that writes horror stories and lives in Maine? Yeah, him. I believe he’s the one that taught me about how to handle monsters and I think he knows a little something about monsters. So, yeah, blame him for this. I’m just the messenger. Mona

    Liked by 1 person

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