Tag Archives: Sad

Happiness anywhere

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This is from a couple days ago.

 

 

Why so sad, Sarah?
Why so sad?
What is it that has sapped your soul
blood sugar?
hormones?
How crazy is crazy
How crazy is normal
How normal is crazy
What is normal
is anyone it?

I drip drip drip
like an old leaky fountain
like the disposal I need to repair
like the rotten corner of the house
the mold takes hold
it grows and grows
peel back my skin
you’ll see green speckles
underneath the paint

How exactly does one
care
what is motivation
and where can I dig some up?
What if
I have no bootstraps
what if
there’s nothing I want
nothing I need
nothing to say or do
nothing matters
I dwindle
nothing matters
I fade
nothing matters.
still I face forward
and chip away
at the time left to me
what future is worth living
what past is worth the struggle
I don’t like struggle
so I just
float
and watch the world move forward
I am pushed by the current
I could have anything I want
but I don’t want anything

once in a while I feel passion
I am mad with enthusiasm for life
It’s all about smelling the flowers, enjoying the sunset
spending time with family
eating out with friends
cooking, drawing, writing
passion is a flame
it needs fuel
it needs blood sugar
it needs dopamine

even then I don’t know what I want
success is vapid
money is boring
all I really want are the people around me
low expectations
already met
now what?

welcome to my first world existential dread
aren’t we pathetic

Who can find happiness during constant peace and prosperity?
What strength! What fortitude!
One who achieves this feat
can find happiness anywhere
has conquered life

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Home

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When you’ve spent your days
Scooping up viscera
Hosing down gore
When you’ve spent your nights
Huddled with the others
Waiting for the next shell to hit your trench
When it’s them or you
So you pull the trigger
And fear to miss more than you fear to hit
And you want to dream about peace
But all you see when you close your eyes
Is the face of that kid dead in the rubble
And the yielding pressure of her body underfoot
Before you realized what, in the haze, you had stumbled over.
When food tastes like water
Water tastes like worms
And heavy smells permeate
Gun oil, swamp foot, metal blood
When all this smells like home
Then
You’ll understand.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

unwanted

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abandoned
all around her is emptiness
dark emptiness
where there should be pulsing warmth,
gentle voices of her parents talking to her
instead the cold leeches her skin

she is unwanted
she can’t comprehend
this bright pain
this un-flesh
splitting her from their joined bodies
cutting away the comfort of her mother.

mute, half-formed,
what she mourns she does not know.
she grieves her past, present, and future
loneliness stops her heart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Inktober – Happy Dog (6) and Echo (7)

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Here’s a twofer.

Day 6:  This is a dog, in case you couldn’t tell. Dogs are hilarious. I’m not sure if these fancy ink pens always look like cheap markers when used, or if it’s just my special artistic touch that’s transformed them.

 

IMG_20181007_165919404

 

 

Day 7: I was reading about Echo and Narcissus, looking at depictions of them, and got a little annoyed. So I wrote this.

 

Everyone remembers Narcissus
But what of Echo?
She didn’t matter to herself
So she doesn’t matter to others
Always a footnote in someone’s painting
A wan satellite
A visual element
Used to balance out and set off
Narcissus’s self-importance.

 

And I drew Echo (alone so Narcissus with his lesser problems and greater charisma can’t steal the limelight), in the process of dwindling away into the cliffs. Soon only her voice will be left.

 

IMG_20181007_165900343

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That damn bluebird

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It’s easy to forget

But happiness

She always comes back

 

That emptyheaded little bluebird

Flutters off

God knows why

She has everything she needs here

I do all I can to make her comfortable

But sometimes she just

Has

To leave

And I wait for her

Looking anxiously out the window

Refilling her water bowl

Putting out her favorite treats

Trying in vain to lure her back

And hope

That she didn’t leave for good this time.

I need her

To fill my day with songs again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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