Fresh Hell

This is from a couple days ago.

 

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Why so sad, Sarah?
Why so sad?
What is it that has sapped your soul
blood sugar?
hormones?
How crazy is crazy
How crazy is normal
How normal is crazy
What is normal
is anyone it?

I drip drip drip
like an old leaky fountain
like the disposal I need to repair
like the rotten corner of the house
the mold takes hold
it grows and grows
peel back my skin
you’ll see green speckles
underneath the paint

How exactly does one
care
what is motivation
and where can I dig some up?
What if
I have no bootstraps
what if
there’s nothing I want
nothing I need
nothing to say or do
nothing matters
I dwindle
nothing matters
I fade
nothing matters.
still I face forward
and chip away
at the time left to me
what future is worth living
what past is worth the struggle
I don’t like struggle
so I just
float
and watch the world move forward
I am pushed by the current
I could have anything I want
but I don’t want anything

once in a while I feel passion
I am mad with enthusiasm for life
It’s all about smelling the flowers, enjoying the sunset
spending time with family
eating out with friends
cooking, drawing, writing
passion is a flame
it needs fuel
it needs blood sugar
it needs dopamine

even then I don’t know what I want
success is vapid
money is boring
all I really want are the people around me
low expectations
already met
now what?

welcome to my first world existential dread
aren’t we pathetic

Who can find happiness during constant peace and prosperity?
What strength! What fortitude!
One who achieves this feat
can find happiness anywhere
has conquered life

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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