Where did this albatross come from.
It’s dead on my living room rug. We don’t even live near the ocean. Could this be a prank? It’s fresh. Do I know anyone who went to the sea recently?
Albatrosses mean something, don’t they? I can’t recall.
Well, I’ll just have to throw it out with the rest of the dead animals in my living room. I really need to get around to that.
Grub toward food
Vomit
Return to it
Like a dog.
Wish you were dead
Wish you were alive
Exit smoothly, soundlessly
No one will notice
No one will care
And those who do care
Will not be there
To help you
Because you hid from them
Everything
You hid from them
The great nothing
That you are
Those gaping insides
Your fake humanity
They can’t see
If you don’t let them
They don’t know
That a parasite has taken over your limbs
Eaten your viscera
Animated your shell
So you keep
Working, buying, sleeping, working
And your nothing looks and your nothing responses
Don’t elicit
The slightest tremor of alarm
And everyone
Just
Keeps
Smiling
Everything starts and ends
With the floor
On the floor
We are born on it
Crawl on it
Walk on it
We die and fall on it
It isn’t really a foundation
It’s just a flat plane
To which we are limited.
Time, the universe, life, death, space
All happen on a plane.
We can only understand this one level of reality
We observe and shape our reality
Aristotle said
We should not experiment, only observe
Experiments change the observation
Now we say
Observation changes the experiment
Eventually it all comes around again
Old theories are proven right
Outmoded fashions come back into action
Old thoughts are rethought
Things that are lost get discovered again
Children crawl on the floor
It’s all pretty well impossible to measure
How silly to try.
The ancients who spent their days
Trying to count the stars
Trying to corner knowledge
They really did that
And when do you think
They finished?
Even if you finish counting what is visible with the naked eye
Then you must move to another pole
And count again.
Even then
You may have a telescope
Or you might make a better, stronger one
But one can never
Never
Be done counting the stars
Because the universe may not be infinite
But by the time you reach the edge of it
You are back at the beginning
The number has changed
And you must start
All over again.
So it is in life.
What we measure is immeasurable.
And even if we try
Anything we put in our heads
Will be made head-shaped
And no longer be the thing
That we wished to understand.
I’ve been wasting time writing stories with my friend G lately, and they said I could post one of them. This one cracked me up. I love collaborating on nonsense like this.
G>S001 03/29/19
Janet and Bill had moved to the desert two years ago. They liked Dry Climates, and they hated Rain, although they liked water. Bill had been a former executive with Podunk Industries, makers of Inner Tubes, and Janet had been a programmer working for a small company called “Magic”, that had been recently bought out by Microsoft. Janet had quite a large chunk of stock options in Magic,and she had cashed them out so that they could build their dream home in the Desert. Their dream home was a Cave in the Desert, in which they invested a lot of money to make it into elegant and sustainable living quarters. It had running water, a sewer system, toilets, Propane piping, and electricity from the 15 Kilowatt Propane generator, as well as a solar powered system for energy collection on the sunny days, which of course was most of them. Polished stone flooring was added throughout the cave to add a touch of elegance. The cave contained his and her garages for their vehicles, including a small helicopter, and there were secret passages, a safe, a safe room, a full kitchen, gym and workout room and rooms for their hobbies. All of this was sealed behind a huge door impenetrable by outsiders, and closed circuit surveillance kept an eye on everything so it was very safe and secure. Bill played the Guitar, and Janet liked crafts of all kinds, so they each had rooms filled with stuff of their likings. One day Janet said to Bill…..
S>G002 3/30/19
“All this stuff sure is great, but what good is it without children?”
“No no,” said Bill. “I have insecurities and I know I’ll make a terrible father. How about instead of a kid, we get a pet?”
“I would like a pet!” Janet said.
“Whew,” said Bill, relieved.
But his relief didn’t last for long. Soon the house, already jam-packed with belongings, was also jam-packed with camels, the manifestation of Janet’s unfulfilled desires. They had over thirty camels and Janet insisted on keeping them inside, and the camels chewed on everything. One day Bob was trying to recline on his hammock in his room when the camel-chewed string broke and he fell, landing hard and breaking his coccyx.
“Help!” He called, but Janet had gone out for more camel kibble. A camel walked in the room and stared at him, glassy eyed.
“I hate you,” he told the camel.
The camel leaned over and started to lazily eat his Lego set.
G>S003 3/31/19
“That’s it!…I’ve had enough”, said Bill to himself, and he got the plasma rock melter out of the cave’s tool storage area, and headed to the back of the cave, to melt out a new room, a pen just for enclosing all of Janet’s camels. While he was performing this task, Camels would wander back to see what he was doing, spit on him, slobber, make a humorous braying sound and then wander back.
“Damn Camels!!” said Bill to no one in particular, and continued his rock melting. Bill
laughed when one of the Camels walked in front of the Plasma Rock Melter and was instantly vaporized. Just as he was finishing, Janet returned with a truck full of Alpo Camel Bits, Camel Kibble and 100 pound sacks of Buffalo Camel feed.
Janet said “Where is my Favorite camel Zelda?”
Bill said with a chuckle, “Just follow the smell…and you will find her.”
Janet said, “What are you doing, Bill?”
He said, “I am making a Camel corral to house all of your Camels before they eat up the entire house…they already ate most of your craft items in your craft room.”
Janet said, “Well OK, but right now could you get the loader to move all the food from the truck into the Camel Pantry?”
“Sure,” said Bill.
Janet added, “I bought something for you too, Bill…it’s in the Truck.”
S>G004 4/1/19
As Bill hobbled back to the entrance, he thought to himself how lucky he was that Janet wasn’t angry at him for disintegrating her camel. He hoped the present she got for him wasn’t heavy; the plasma rock melter was the heaviest thing he could carry. In fact, now that his rage had subsided, he realized how much pain he was in, and set down the gun before he went outside. He got there and blinked in the sunlight for a minute, wondering where the truck was, when he heard a stainless steel door slam
shut behind him.
“You melted Zelda,” Janet said from the balcony. “We’re through! I’m finding a man who can love me, my 4 billion dollars, AND my camels!” She went inside.
“Augh, what will I do?” Thought Bill. “We’re surrounded by miles and miles of desert. The nearest place is that little Western style town forty miles away.”
A Lego set crashed at his ankles. Another landed on his head. His scalp started bleeding. He stumbled over it and landed on his coccyx again.
“Janet, please,” he said.
“I’m not listening,” her voice called. “And I’ve got the plasma cannon aimed at your heart. Get out.”
Bill sighed and started walking.
G>S005 4/1/19
Soon the sound of a vehicle approaching could be heard. With the desert mirage effects, he couldn’t tell what it was. Then it got closer. It was Janet. She hollered to Bill, “APRIL FOOL!”
Bill said, “Huh?”
Janet said, “I don’t know how you could think that the Camels could be more important than you!”
“But,” said Bill.
“But nothing,” said Janet, “if you had been more observant you might have noticed the Giant Lego set that I bought for you in the truck.”
“You scared the hell out of me Janet…I thought you might even melt me with the Plasma Cannon.”
“Pretty good April Fools Joke huh?” said Janet. “Hop in so we can get back and corral the Camels in the new room you built for them…Two of the Camels ate all of the soap I just made in my Craft room, and one of them spit soap bubbles and bit me, so I think that corral was a real timely good idea.”
Janet applied gauze to Bill’s head, which had cauterized in the desert sun.
Janet said, “I am sorry I was so angry, but I was bitten by a scorpion when I got back, and the poison made me nuts for a short while.”
“Time for Ganja Janet?”
“Absolutely Bill, fire up Billy Bong when we get back.”
The End
I once took three men down with a single plastic drinking straw. I am the real deal. A stone cold killer.
I have assassinated fourteen people in my line of work. I terminated another ten just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Recently, I nearly died from being ill prepared. The target sent someone after me while my guard was down. I guess my name and face are starting to be known. I fought them off, but barely. Only luck saved me. I should have been better armed.
It’s alright now, though. I’ve sharpened my cuff links. I’ve got razor blades in my hair, grenades in my shoes, and a pistol up my ass. I am a walking arsenal. Nobody is catching me off guard again.
Oh shit I tripped.
Sarah D. Silvey 