Journal – Keeping Friends
You always had friends, she says
Dismissively
But it makes me sad.
People love her.
Why doesn’t she have friends?
It’s not, as she attributes it, extroversion
Introverts make friends all the time.
I think it has more to do with forgiveness.
She can’t forgive a slight
imagined or otherwise.
When you imagine the best of people
You’re usually right.
When you imagine the worst of people
You’re usually right.
I can’t change her outlook.
I can’t teach her to forgive.
But if she can learn to forgive herself
She might learn to forgive others.
If she can learn to forgive others
She might be able to keep a friend.
Making friends is easy.
Keeping friends is hard.
I’ve won countless friends.
I have lost more friends than I’ve ever kept.
Some of them
For whatever reason
Stick.
Maybe they’re capable of forgiving my countless unconscious cruelties
My rough treatment
My tactlessness
Maybe they consider what I can give
to be worth what I take.
Maybe they’re able to accept my forgiveness
for the things they think they’ve done.
My friendships have been tried.
So many times
I don’t know what happened
but I lose them anyway.
I follow them until I realize
They’re not looking back at me.
This too, I must forgive.
And myself
For how I must have hurt them
Though I don’t know what it was.
Maybe no one did anything wrong.
Maybe it’s just nature
People come and go
Friendships rise and fall
with the changing tides.
Maybe I need more flexibility.
This is why I consider a friendship that sticks
Incredibly valuable.
Whatever alchemy
Has bonded us together
I refuse to let fall by the wayside.
Fight, drama, damage, conflict in values
I never considered myself loyal.
Loyalty always implied to me
That I would take their side no matter what.
That’s not what I do.
I consider rights and wrongs
According to my own ethics.
I try to make peace
Between them and their enemies
it’s the forgiveness thing again.
But I do love them no matter what.
Maybe that’s what loyalty really is.
Look at how good I make myself sound.
Somewhere in here is a lie
Somewhere in here is denial
That’s what it is to be human
We tell stories
We tell lies
even to ourselves.
I am not seeing something.
Maybe by love I am enacting hate,
My loyalty is fickleness,
My ethics are cold,
And my forgiveness is judgment.
Fresh Hell 
I don’t think so, Sarah. I don’t think your loyalty is fickleness, your ethics are cold, your forgiveness is judgment. No, not as blanket statements, not as generalities. You are wise enough to know you are imperfect like the rest of us. You are humble enough to allow for that imperfection. Occasionally we all slip. But the slips do not define people with hearts of gold — like yourself! The slips just make you human.
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You absolute darling ❤
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You are way too harsh on yourself (says she who now knows you so well!).
In mindfulness, we call this the “inner critic”—the being in your head who’s so judgmental. The key is to recognize your inner critic, let her have her say, and then just move on.
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Yeah, some days she’s more vociferous than others 😀
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You’re doing great! People always drift apart for all kinds of reasons – we’ll always regret what ‘might have’ been, but if they’re deep friends of yours they’ll make sure to stick around for you. ❤
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You’re absolutely right. When it comes to my circle of friends, I really am blessed!
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Want some popcorn drizzled with chocolate and love, my dear friend? *reaching out to hold your hand while we sing silly songs until we feel better* M
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YES, that sounds amazing ❤️❤️❤️❤️
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You said the world is friend or foe depending on forgiveness? You’re inner forgiveness needs to give that self criticism a bitch slap
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KAPOWEE
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