Journal – On fearing death
I am afraid to die.
I am afraid to live.
I love life but it is never enough.
If I had kids I could say, there, I did that, I made something good.
If I were a real writer I could shake the world up a little.
But I’m just normal
Trying to be happy.
Having achieved happy
I fall out of happiness
And must work my way back up again.
What if I get sick.
What if I only have twenty good years left.
What is the difference
If I only have fifty years
Or twenty years?
Either amount
Is nothing
Nothing
A wisp of dandelion
The heartbeat of a gnat.
We are born of an enormous universe
We are fleas
Specks
Motes
Less still than that.
Our time is tiny.
It is easy to forget.
Our time is a splinter of ice
That melts the moment it exists.
Time is my enemy.
Time is my friend.
I write in dichotomies.
I write about time.
To live in that moment before death
To never forget where you’re going
To never forget where you are.
Every second
Must
Be
Savored.
I read a story about a man
Going to his execution.
He tried to split every moment in half.
He hoped that by doing this
The last moment
Would never arrive.
Today I breathe
Again.
A victory.
Today I remembered
What yawns before me
Is an open grave.
How soon will it accept me?
How soon will I accept it?
And when I get to the edge
I want to look back and say,
Yes. I savored those moments.
I squeezed more out of life
Than anyone.
I never
Never
Took what I had for granted.
Everything was precious.
Everything was vivid.
Everything was loved.
Fresh Hell 
What is a “real writer”? What makes you think you are anything less? You write, with honesty and meaning; you tell your story and share yourself with others. You have lived and made a mark. 🙂
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♥️ Thank you, Auroraboros
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You are very welcome.
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We humans are notorious for never being satisfied for long. We require so much and too many choices can paralyze us. Sarah, you’ve got a bit of existentialism in your blood, dear sister! Keep writing and drawing because you are an artist and you have done much good and continue to make this world so much better! Mona
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Heh, only a touch?
Thank you Mona! You’re a lovely piece of humanity, if you don’t mind my saying so. Hugs and loves!
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Who says you aren’t a writer? I’m not big on poetry (another blogger described it as ‘a buzzing in the head’) but, you charm me. And, you are a stunning artist!
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Ha, buzzing in the head! That’s amazing.
Yay, I’m glad to hear. Thank you ❤ You're always wonderfully supportive! As long as you're there, I hope you don't mind if I use you to rest my weak confidence for a minute…? *lean*
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Why, certainly…😊
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