Everyday magic


My last two posts were so serious, I had to write something stupid to make up for it.



“Great,” Edward said. “I can’t get the damn lever unstuck.”

“Oh,” Wendy said. “Should I try a spell?”

“I don’t know…”

“Oh, let’s try!” She said, suddenly enthusiastic. “I’ve been practicing.”

He grimaced in spite of himself. “I’m not sure. The lever already has a lot of magic in it just to work.”

“Pish posh,” she said. “Scootch over. Humbeldy bumbeldy wobbledy fobbledy bing bang boom, now move anyway you dumb old lever!”

The lever moved alright. It moved a full three hundred sixty degrees, and went around three times.

“Oh my god!” Edward screamed. “It can’t handle that much pressure! Run, Wendy, run!”

They ran, but they didn’t run fast enough. The whole house gave a deep metallic groan, the sound of a soul in anguish. They actually felt the walls around them bow with pressure. His ears popped.

And then the plumbing exploded.

Water and feces rained down on them both.

“Goddamnit Wendy,” Edward said. “Next time the magic toilet gets stopped up, just leave it to the professionals.”

“Don’t blame me,” Wendy said. “You broke the lever in the first place.”

“Great,” he said. “This is just great. We’re going to have to move out, get the whole system repaired.”

“I can seal the pipes,” Wendy said. “I know a spell for that.”

“No no no no no–”

“Pish posh,” she said. “Move out of the way.”












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