Elegy for Mom
My sister said I should post this. I wrote it right after Mom died. She suffered from mental illness for most of my life, and passed away from complications due to Huntington’s disease.
You were my idol
You were a voodoo queen
An earth goddess
Always with a touch of the divine
Though everything you said was unreal
You never lied
You were fragile
And so much a part of me.
I used to envy the kids who had normal moms
Even the adults who complained about their aging parents
But these days I know better.
You taught me how to wear my crazy well
You were a fast friend
And a devoted parent through the last moment of your life
Often you were
So much more than human.
I battle myself not to be like you
I push myself to be more like you
You were a dark enigma
Yet transparent as light
Gentle yet terrifying
When you lived I couldn’t handle the pain of your existence
Now that you’ve died I find the absence hard to bear.
I once thought I took more care of you than you did of me
But today I understand what you sacrificed to protect your children.
Your laugh echoes in my empty heart
Your spirit derails me still