Office Produce

It’s that time of year.

The office break room table is littered with free produce.

They’re never normal. There are always skinny u-shaped cucumbers, zucchini the size of hams, overly muscular heirloom tomatoes.

Oddly shaped vegetables that say things like, “New gardener,” “How in god’s name can anyone eat this many vegetables,” “I don’t have the energy to can or freeze foods,” and “Maybe somebody else will eat this penis-shaped one because I can’t handle the vibes it’s giving me.”

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