Office Produce
It’s that time of year.
The office break room table is littered with free produce.
They’re never normal. There are always skinny u-shaped cucumbers, zucchini the size of hams, overly muscular heirloom tomatoes.
Oddly shaped vegetables that say things like, “New gardener,” “How in god’s name can anyone eat this many vegetables,” “I don’t have the energy to can or freeze foods,” and “Maybe somebody else will eat this penis-shaped one because I can’t handle the vibes it’s giving me.”
Fresh Hell 
LOL this is amazing! The ham sized zucchini are so flirty.
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Why would anyone apologize for growing vegetables that aren’t perfectly uniform? It’s the freakishly uniformly shaped, unblemished, wax covered clones in the grocery store that should come with notes of apology. Cause, man, that shit isn’t natural.
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You’re right. I’m a big proponent of natural, ugly vegetables. They are healthy AND hilarious. What’s not to love?
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