Tag Archives: Writing

Defied

Just an exercise. Trying to get bigger, more interesting words back into my active vocabulary.

Does this sound stodgy to you, or is it nice?

 


 

The cat looks intently at the edge of the table. Her bronze eyes bespeak her intentions: she would try her reign from this elevated place. Coiling springlike energy down into her haunches, an instant of quiet tension and calculation. Then, in one powerful movement, she launches herself three feet into the air, hooks her paws on the edge and forwards herself even higher, a leap of such precision and delicacy that might put any prima donna to shame. By the time gravity catches up with her, it is too late; she has already gained purchase of her goal with all four paws. A wondrous maneuver, brilliantly executed.

Unfortunately, she cannot stay.

You scoop one open hand under her belly, lift her scant weight with hardly an effort, and transport her to an area which is more convenient for you. The instant you pick weight up off of her legs, they become silken fluid. She droops, either extreme of her small form dangling, limp as wet seaweed, from your unyielding support. Her apparent power has been shattered. She knows the futility of struggling in this gargantuan grip. Instinct and training directs her to wait until she is liberated, as struggle will only injure. The cat has been effectively paused.

Once you arrive at an adequately removed location, you deposit her back on her dainty feet with a inconsequential drop of a few inches. She absorbs the concussion with all the grace of a liquid creature.

Her coat is ruffled from your handling of her, and from her discontent. The tip of her tail indignantly flicks. This goddess, a miniature incarnation of noble wilderness, in whose eyes still blaze the sands of ancient Egypt, has had her will defied.

Disoriented, she sniffs, acquainting herself with the alternative locale, and selects for herself a new throne. She will not spare a glance in your direction.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

Reverse Midas Touch

 

Never good enough

Never good enough

Try a little harder

Punish

Self castigate

Mortify the flesh

Is this good yet?

Is this?

Am I still

A disappointment?

 

I wrote all evening

And nothing good happened.

The reverse Midas touch, I wrote.

Everything I do turns to shit.

But it wasn’t good enough either.

When will I be good enough.

When will I be satisfied.

What am I looking for?

 

When I write, I write what I felt that day.

So I didn’t feel anything today?

No. I felt inadequacy. That was sharp.

I need to write what is wrong

I need to write for me

I need to write for therapy

I need less judge.

I read a really bad story today by another writer.

Relatively, I’m an incredible talent.

I read a really good story today by another writer.

Relatively, I’m a half-wit.

What can I do

Why do I try so hard

Why do I try

Why do I care

Why can’t I just be happy

Writing stories and poems should be fun.

When I was a kid

Even then

I was a harsh critic.

I must have been eight

I remember judging my little kid poetry

For rhyming wife with wife. What a cop out, I thought.

I remember being displeased by my corny poem conclusion:

 

“What is the way to be happy?

There is only one thing

And that is, to sing!

Oh, what a good way to be happy!”

 

It felt wrong. Of course that wasn’t the best way to be happy.

My parents thought it was adorable

But I knew better.

I always know better.

I never trust praise.

I know my flaws.

They burn my eyes

They scald my soul

They cannot be extricated

They cannot be exorcised

They can only be

Embraced

Every day.

Practice will patch the holes

Acceptance will allow for flexibility

Some days are hard

Some days are easy.

I will never meet my own expectations

So I must not allow expectations.

Oh, what a good way to be happy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

Having Fun Yet?

I never realized how precious I was being about my writing
Until I started posting it.
I find myself thinking stupid stuff:
“If I post this, I can’t get it published.”
As if that’s something I’m likely to do
“If I post this, I can never use this idea again.”
Dear god, ideas are cheap
And recyclable.
“They won’t like this one.”
They’re free to react as they please
I’ll survive it.

They’re just excuses to be fearful.
Hiding your writing is no fun
Just like hiding your drawings is no fun.
And it should be fun
If it’s not fun
Then why the hell are you doing it?

Lately I’ve been working on finding the fun
In my art, in my writings
If I’m not having fun, I’m blocked.
The blog has also taught me that if I am having fun
I get better without even realizing it.
But I love saddling my fun carefree creations
With heavy responsibility
Like a disappointed parent
I crush them before they’re even formed
With the things that I hope they will do for me.

The Bell Curve

The other day Don asked me, “Have you ever noticed this about language, everything comes in threes?” He was talking about jokes, fables, lists in speech (e.g. life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness).

I thought about it and said that maybe it’s a common speech device because we need three items to be able to recognize a pattern.

And then I thought about this concept again. I’m always seeing it lately. I wrote it right after I wrote the cycles poem because I didn’t feel like I’d adequately conveyed the concept, and they tie together. One bell curve is half of a circle… if you blur your eyes when you plot it out.

Anyway, because it’s always in my brain, here it is:

 

Writers are taught to see

The bell curve of a plot.

Rising action, climax, falling action.

 

Sex has a climax. It fits the bell curve perfectly.

 

The life of a mayfly.

Birth, hours of development, a climax of mating, death.

 

Every little segment of time

No matter how small

Has a climax.

 

Inhale, hold, exhale.

 

Cut it smaller.

Just inhale.

The breath climaxes near the end, when you can’t take in any more and must stop.

 

A hummingbird beats its wings.

Lift, hold, fall.

The hummingbird darts to the next flower.

He arrives, partakes, departs. 

The hummingbird takes a meal.

He hungers, sips nectar, stops when he is full.

The hummingbird is caught by a predator.

Fear, struggle, acceptance.

 

We live in bell curves.

They all link together

To form the line of our lives:

A golden spiral.

One long corkscrew from the past to the future.

A double helix of plot curves

A never ending cycle

Of birth, death, birth, death.

On Immortality

Who do you think you are?

There is no immortality.

Immortality is impossible.

Everything dies.

Writers who claim to immortality by their body of work?

Two generations tops.

But what if you’re a great writer?

Your work could last hundreds of years.

If you are truly great, a thousand years.

The culling process of time is cruel and relentless.

What about Plato, the Bhagavad Gita, the Tao Te Ching?

They have lasted millennia.

But nothing can be saved forever.

One day the library will burn.

There were great works, immortal works, before these were written.

Mankind has long existed

And long has it thought

And of these thoughts

We know nothing.

They are dead.

But

The ideas renew in us.

Stories are reinvented, retold

Concepts are worked out anew

The same mistakes get made

Over

And over

It is a parent’s pain

To watch a child stumble through life

It is our pain

That each generation must live a war

It is a country’s pain

To bloat, to weaken, to topple

It is a people’s pain

To forget.

In the end the sun will burn us out.

After that the universe will collapse.

And some say

A new universe will be born

And the same mistakes made over again.

 

We will all be forgotten.

We all only have one life.

We can’t even impress who we really are

On our closest friends.

An identity is transient

It changes with each emotion.

How then can a life be remembered?

How can a great work of art

No matter how perfect

No matter how true

No matter how it affects the people

Each person will read into it

What matches their feelings at the time.

One may read the same book

Two, three different times

And feel something different each time.

Nobody knows exactly what you felt when you wrote it.

No one can ever know.

You don’t even know.

Every new thought, your old thought dies.

Every new cell, your old cells die.

You want immortality?

You with the ever changeable identity

Which you deem so important?

You, who are already dead?

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