Tag Archives: health

Journal – Haggifying

I tried to draw for Inktober tonight but it was so abysmally bad, even I am giving myself a break. Mostly I’m just happy to still be able to talk, and breathe. It’s been an increasingly gross day. I’m watching this virus bloom in the warm culturing agent that is my body. My throat is closing up, a tiny series of trap doors, and with each one I lose another note to my voice. My coughs are coming more frequently now. Sometimes I have a sudden unpleasant awareness that I’m running out of air, drowning in my own fluids.

Why can’t colds leave as fast as they arrive?

 

Going for a walk with sick coworkers

K sounds like she has no nose

Uncharacteristically pepless.

H is physically weak

She nearly falls over trying to take a photo.

I cough and rasp my way through each sentence

But talk a lot more than usual.

Together we walk our fifteen minute break

Slowly

Cackling like old hags

Trying not to laugh too hard at ourselves

Lest we spur on another pulmonary problem.

“Flash forward thirty years,” I say,

“And this will be our constant reality.”

Let the healthy young men and women beware

The three plague sisters.

Flee from their slow, repulsive approach!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

Your Personal Slave

 

Let us suppose that you own a slave. You would be responsible for his/her food, exercise, education, everything. If you were not allowed to give him freedom, how would you treat him?

I really hope you said something like, “I would give him the best life possible.” You would try not to work him into the ground. You would let him have his own way whenever you could. Adequate sleep, good nutritious food. (If you said anything worse than that, go sit in the corner and rethink your ethics. )

Well, guess what? You do own a slave. A hopelessly devoted, flawlessly obedient slave. It is your own body.

Do you take good care of your slave?

Do you make it drink until it’s sick, even though it begs you to let it stop? Do you make it stay up late, doing your homework because you didn’t get it done earlier? Have you ever worked your poor slave until it fell asleep, despite its best efforts? Do you feed your slave good food, or is it forced to survive off of gummy bears and Cheetos?

Your body tells you when it needs something, but it’s always a gentle nudge. You get the final word every time. It is fully bound to your insane demands.

Ask it to run. Like a faithful horse, it will run until you say otherwise or it collapses. Ask it to stay up so you can watch one more episode, and it’ll put its own needs off to please you.

It timidly requests water, so quiet you might not hear if you aren’t paying attention. Do you give it enough? 

It pulls lightly on the corner of your mind and whispers, I’m happy to keep working but can we please take a bathroom break. Do you force it to work until the need is on the verge of disaster? 

It’s been doing your reading for four hours straight and its eyes are fatigued. Do you tell it to squeeze its eyes shut for two seconds then keep on?

So many people seem to be waging war with their bodies. They are disconnected from themselves. Hannah and I always joke about magazine covers: “Wear a new body for summer!” “Find your bikini body!” “Get abs!” They seem to think a body is a fashion accessory which can be shaped and molded like clay, or maybe they think we’re made of interchangeable Lego pieces. It’s a weird way of looking at your own body.  People talk about building it up, breaking it down, burning it, whipping it into shape.

Poor body. It never rebelled. It just gets tired sometimes. You were the one who got it addicted to television and donuts. It would love to break those habits but it can’t do it alone.

Make sure and give your body plenty of outside play time, fresh water, nutritious food, quality sleep. Keep it clean and listen to its spare, unselfish requests. Check that it has clear skin, bright eyes, and strong nails. If you’re treating it well, it will be happy to greet you in the morning and excited to start a new day with you.

Now you have a new weird way of looking at your body.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

Eating healthy isn’t so expensive

“Eating healthy is so expensive!”

Says the person who doesn’t cook? I don’t get it. I did a poll once of my friends and determined that some people think eating healthy means you have to do everything everyone says lately. If you can’t eat fats, starches, sugars, meats… what is there left to eat but members of the squash family, boiled? That’s not living. I think they want to live on a diet of nothing but superfoods, but man cannot afford to live on avocados alone.

I love food, so my healthy eating agenda is fairly open. Of course, I’m lucky because I have no food sensitivities except for a little psoriasis breakout when I drink too much milk. And red dye got me good once when I was a kid, so I generally avoid dyes.

These are my rules:

  • If you make it from scratch, it’s healthier
  • I mean really, make it from scratch. Tortillas, pasta, pizza, etc, are all better from scratch.
  • Try to eat less sugar
  • Try to eat less meat
  • A handful of almonds every day (I’ve noticed this makes my weak nails tear less)
  • Everything varied and in moderation
  • Lots of water, some tea or coffee

Sometimes I’m not so great with the sugar rule. Who am I kidding, I break a lot of these rules all the time. But that’s a part of moderation too, isn’t it?

My best meal for today is home-fermented kimchi (it’s not fishy and horrible at all, it’s spicy-sour and amazing), sour cream, mozzarella cheese, fresh spinach and olive oil on a baked potato. I’d take a picture but it’s ugly. I gotta start being better about taking food pictures before I eat them, but it’s so hard to remember when eating gets to happen.

This meal is pretty cheap. I love potatoes as a cheap carb/vegetable/meal. My sister Jessica decided that I’m obsessed with potatoes and even though this isn’t entirely true, I didn’t argue very hard with her, because I do like potatoes a lot.

Let me add up the price:

Kimchi sauerkraut (recipe adapted from here https://www.makesauerkraut.com/kimchi/)

  • 1 cabbage = $1
  • 1 bunch of green onions = $1
  • 1 bunch of radishes = $1
  • 2 carrots = $0.20
  • 2 inches of ginger = $0.50
  • 2 cloves garlic = $0.05
  • Pickling salt = $0.50
  • Red pepper flakes, spices = nominal
  • A week or two of waiting
  • Total: $4.25
  • One unlisted cost is that of a smelly house. I actually ruined an old nonstick pot of mine fermenting kimchi in it, the kimchi smell has permanently permeated it. I need a real fermenting crock.

Now that I figured out what the kimchi cost, let’s see what my lunch cost:

  • 1/16 of the kimchi (about ½ cup) = 0.13
  • 1/2 massive potato = $0.25
  • 3 T sour cream = $0.20
  • Handful of spinach = $0.10
  • ½ oz cheese = 0.13
  • 1 T Olive oil = $0.18
  • Total: $0.99

Okay, so it’s not Mr. Money Mustache levels of frugality but it’s about a million times yummier and more nutritious than a box dinner, which would cost three times as much, not fill you up, and make your day WORSE with its flaccid flavors. Or if you went to a restaurant, it would taste good, but you don’t really know what happened to the food back there in the kitchen while it was at the mercy of all those underpaid cooks, and you would be paying eight times as much for a damn potato.

Here’s something else to think about when moaning about the time it takes to prepare food. Thoreau explored this concept in Walden. He said in the end, everything costs close to the same. For example (and this is clearly not the example Thoreau used), you can spend $4 and 60 active minutes making a big jar of amazing kimchi tailored to your own unique tastes. Or you can work for 60 minutes at your job, gain an extra $8, and use that to purchase a really nice $12 tub of artisan kimchi of equal quality at the farmer’s market.

Humans are supposed to spend a great majority of their time collecting, preparing, storing, and eating food anyway. It’s the natural order of things.

Maybe kimchi isn’t the best example. If you really hate kimchi or cooking, you can spend $1 on a meal at Taco Bell, then you can use the other $3 to buy a gallon of gasoline and a lighter, and set yourself on fire. But you’ll have used up all your time doing a different stupid thing. One of the joys of modern civilization is that we have the luxury of wasting our time doing whatever stupid things we wish.

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