Category Archives: Poetry

Bits and Pieces 2

Posted on by 9 comments

 

Below the blathering is another collection of little poems which didn’t make the cut as standalones, but which I liked too much to delete entirely.

I haven’t been the most reliable at posting this week! Without work as an anchor, my whole routine is thrown. I’m probably going to be sporadic for the rest of the month until all my vacation time is spent. I am doing my best to learn how to be reliable even when not working. So far this week I’m doing better than I did over my last vacation, when I just gave up on posting entirely. I consider this week’s three posts to be progress!

 

 

I wish

I wish

I wish I knew

What it is the good girls do.

 

 

 

I may not be much
But whatever I have
I have a lot of.

 

 

 

To find happiness

To find creativity

To fulfill my purpose

To work towards a goal

To improve

To relax

To be still

To accept

To deny

To take

To give

To have time for everyone

To use time efficiently

To be human

Push and pull

To be two

 

 

 

Hellscape

I’m just not feeling very dark today.

I hear a cricket

I see the pond at night

I feel the cool autumn air

I can breathe.

 

 

 

I want a lit cigarette

To take a drag

In drag

To bat my long false eyelashes

At some poor stud

And confuse the hell out of him

Until he doesn’t know

Which way his dick should be pointing.

 

 

 

I like the look of death

I want to lick death’s cheek.

But I’d miss

Because he has no cheeks.

 

 

 

Marble veined skin

Veins of marble

Skin of veins

Don’t kiss me

You

Are

Disgusting.

 

 

 

 

I am a planet

I drift

I follow the pull of gravity

I watch the worlds dance

I watch myself dance with them

Somehow we always miss each other

We never collide

Neither do we touch

 

 

 

My nose is clogged, my tonsils swole, and then

You tell me I should get back up again

I want to rest, my bed is safe and warm

But no one has the patience for my smarm

Get back to work, get up, get out, go on!

I hear you and I wish you weren’t born.

 

 

 

My only regret is,

If I take care of my health,

I may never have a prosthetic

With which to scare small children.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Feeling Large and Heavy

Posted on by Leave a comment

 

I got to play on an obstacle course

I didn’t have courage for half of the things

And wasn’t physically capable of the other half

I felt very large and heavy

I think if there’d been more adults on it

I wouldn’t have felt so silly

And maybe would have tried harder

 

I urged my sister

“Climb the 10 foot warped wall, for women everywhere!”

She looked at me funny.

Wondering if I’d said something sexist,

I revised my statement

“I mean… just for me, right here.”

I wanted her to do it

(I’m certain she could)

Because I was incapable

And I’ve spent my life feeling athletic

Vicariously through her.

 

Feeling large

And barge-y

Stomping around on my giant feet

I have grace

For one my weight

But no one else here is like me

The kids are swift, slender elves

My sister is strong and light

She is bamboo

She is tendons veins gristle

She is elegant cheekbones and arched brows

And blessed melanin, actual eyelashes, tanning skin

She slips through anything

She climbs like a rat

She swings like a monkey

 

Here I sit, here I sit

Pores full of shit

Not fit

 

Just the same I tried to flip

And hit the trampoline

Like a thrown elephant.

WHAM!

A man quickly approaches me

“You did sign the waiver, right?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Earthworms

Posted on by Leave a comment

 

Earth elemental

Fleshy segments

Burrow through the power of patience, appetite, numbers

Tiny grains of life

 

Life devours lower life

So things which creep close to the ground

Fishes, snakes, toads

Things which live under rocks

And have gaping senseless maws

Prey upon earthworms.

Nothing lives lower than a worm

But everything relies

On the foundation they lay

With their mindless, relentless drive

To consume earth

Pass earth

Be earth

 

They are blanks

Dirt passes through them

Moistened black

Richer for their contact

They gulp, gulp

Like vacuums

Like straws

Pulsing their way up and down the avenues they have created

A megalopolis underground

Utterly vast

Interconnected

 

Sometimes, being too blind to see

And too empty to resist

The vital impetus

Pushes them through the soil

Beyond the boundaries of their amniotic grit

Into the open air

Where, cut from contact with their animator,

The little golems shrivel

Into a line of dust

A memory of things

which should not touch light.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Journal – On Overcoming Fears

Posted on by 2 comments

 

When I was a kid

I was afraid of the dark.

I used to make myself walk down the hallways in the dead of night

With the lights off

Just to prove … I don’t remember what

Maybe it was pride.

Maybe I despised my own cowardice.

So I just looked at the light switch

Then stared down the demons in the dark.

 

I hadn’t gone to the dentist in eight years

A lost filling finally drove me to the waiting room

Where I sat, my stomach knotty with fear.

After that I kept up with my dentist visits

Through crowns and drills and fillings lost and gained

And stainless steel needles the size of Montana

Culminating in my most recent visit

A small filling restored with,

By my own request,

No numbing agent.

I found it was nothing I couldn’t handle.

Now when I go, I marvel

At my lack of fear.

 

I never allowed myself the luxury of feelings

Afraid that they would hurt others.

This has been the worst fear to overcome.

I have progressed from exploring my emotions,

To writing them out,

To showing them to the world

My family

And hardest of all, my dad.

Because I loved him the most

I hid the most from him.

Protecting him from my unhappiness

Afraid he would blame himself

Or worry about me.

Today he called me

Asked if I was feeling okay

He’d read my bleak poem

And worried.

I reassured him, the poem was old.

When I hung up the phone

I wondered

At my stability in the face

Of what had just happened.

Dad had seen one of my darkest pieces.

And he had worried.

But things are different now.

I can be honest with him.

His humanity doesn’t break me.

My own humanity doesn’t break me.

The self-loathing spiral

Never came.

 

Now I have to keep posting

As if I didn’t know he was keeping up on the blog.

Or rather, I know that he is,

But I am able to be honest now.

Sometimes I want to die

Sometimes I want to stab something

But mostly I love my life

And although I still cherish my family,

I no longer idolize them,

Or feel the need to protect them.

 

I have always considered myself uncommonly lucky

In family and friends.

Today I can feel lucky

And not feel guilty too.

I can feel grief and pain

Just as easily as I can feel love.

 

But most of all,

I can feel.

 

And I feel grateful.

And I feel free.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

« Older Entries Recent Entries »