Author Archives: Sarah

Waking Wake

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Flayed to the bone
Skeleton exposed, oxidizing
I am Cain
Slain
At my wake by mistake
Whetting my weapon upon the table
Unstable
I try to stand tall
I stumble I fall
I go through it all
And you all
Watch me fall
With glass eyes negligent eyes eyes like microchips eyes like calculations

Reduced to a sideshow
I tumble, fumble, mumble
My skeleton exposed
The things they think they know
They try to describe
Right in my face but who are they
Someone gave me steel file joints
A cruelly placed arthritis
Hobbles me
I stagger to the door
I try the lock
Locked
Locked
I think I might be here forever
Forever under scrutiny
In this living autopsy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Barriers

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She was drunk, struggling to articulate

Lengthy pauses before each sentence

Halting, frustrated speech.

I’ve seen this before

 

She fights to be conscious, despite the sleeping pill

Her mind heavy

Her body stubborn

Her tongue a lead weight.

I’ve seen this before

 

She is deep in the throes of neurological degeneration

Lips uncooperative

Forcing thoughts through the thick walls

Of her solid-shrunk brain.

 

All of them demanding to be heard,

To be understood

Willing their selves past mental barriers

Deliberately balancing simple words

Like a child stacks blocks

With their fullest effort.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What I’ve Learned in Swim Class

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How to swim (or, what I’ve learned in swim class):

 

Keep your head below water.

Be a fish. You love the water.

It’s fun to pull yourself through water. It’s like thick air. It’s like Jell-O.

Breathing is overrated and unnecessary.

Keep your goddamn head below water.

Pear-shaped people have a built-in pull buoy.

Make sure your swimsuit can handle your awkward maneuvers. Otherwise it might fall apart while you’re swimming, and then you’ll have to play it cool while diving for the lost strap.

Don’t stare at the instructor’s aging aquatic mammal body. One day you too will look this strange.

Feel the water with your forearms.

Aim your hands for the center of your fish line.

Keep your damn head below water.

Pull each stroke with your whole torso, not just your hands.

Think about every little motion.

But don’t think too much about it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gains and Losses

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Life is full of gains and losses.
We live, we love, we lose,
We find new loves to lose.
Sometimes we pull away from them,
Sometimes they pull away from us.

People ebb and flow
In and out of my life.
I want to keep all of them
Forever in my arms
But I can only hold
This many
Off the ground at once.
And if someone struggles to be put down
It wouldn’t be loving
To refuse them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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