Losing her
There is a still voice in my head.
If I meditate I can hear it.
If I follow its mandates, it gains clarity.
It always speaks the truth.
It is the juxtaposition
Of my intelligence
My years of experience
The leanings of my heart
The echo of the Tao.
Unexpected bubbles from the subconscious.
I know it when I hear it.
It always speaks the truth.
She turned down meeting me again
She had a good reason
And I refuse to push.
I trust our friendship.
But the voice said
In clear unarguable certainty
You’re losing her.
I don’t want to believe it.
But the voice never lies.
Maybe I can push a little harder
Regain the fading attachment.
But I am her friend because
I never push.
Everyone else pushes.
Everyone else gets her time.
If I push,
I become the squeaky wheel.
I become the annoying commitment.
I wish I had never thought this thought.
Now it has been given form,
And the power to strengthen
Into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Are friendships made of fairy dust
Entire worlds jointed together with ephemeria
Just to sparkle then fade?
Are they really composed of convenience?
Am I the only one
Who goes on loving just as hard
Even after I have been left loving alone?
Friends like these
They rise and fall on Fortune’s wheel
Into my life, out of my life
Do they still think of me?
I think of them.
If they came back into my life
If they showed the slightest inclination
I would welcome them with puppy enthusiasm
Happy they are home again.
Am I the only one?
I am afraid to lose this one.
I trusted adulthood
Would keep us connected.
But the voice never lies.
The squeaky wheel. The annoying commitment. Loved this section. One of your best pieces in my humble opinion.
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Thank you, Matthew. I paid in soul for this one, heh
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I agree. Stunningly well done, Sarah. Like you, I hold on. I continue to hope even when all the stars are aligning differently, even when I have no power to move them.
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I think that’s one of the big things we have in common.
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This was beautifully written! Love how you’ve expressed it – friendships can all too easily fade if both sides don’t commit.
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Thanks, Tom ❤️
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You’re a great writer & you clearly know how to express stories in a memorable and evocative way. 🙂 Keep writing, Sarah! ❤
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🙂 🙂
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An outstanding piece Sarah, there are so many thoughtful and creative lines and the trusting of me in giving my love, resonates strongly here,
“If they showed the slightest inclination
I would welcome them with puppy enthusiasm
Happy they are home again.”
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Thank you so much Ivor!
Puppies are masters of unconditional love, aren’t they?
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I’ll have to get myself another little dog soon 🐶🤗
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Aww 💞
How can we say
Animals have no soul
When they have enough extra
To patch the holes in the fabric
Of our own tattered spirits
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Beautiful Sarah
Animal love is like a dog bone
Never truly hidden, nor forgotten
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Aaaa! That’s so cute!!!!
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Sarah,
Your still voice resonates so far beyond I have a visceral reaction–goose bumps. Incredible! I don’t know what the future holds and I don’t know who your friend is or what turn of events led here; my guess, though, is that no matter what happens, she will never forget you. She will always have that place she holds in her being just for you! Your words are magic. Mona
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Thank you Mona! ❤
That is what I think to comfort myself, too. I'm lucky to have had what I had. And who knows? Maybe this is just a temporary lull.
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❤💔😢
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We torture ourselves, don’t we? When we don’t feel we deserve it anymore, we can let that torturous friend go.
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That’s true o_o
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