Bison Woman
I don’t usually post on Saturday but I don’t want to leave that mopey shit up all weekend.
Here is something I wrote long before the blog was born. It’s the weirdest thing, I still love it.
No Martha
Don’t you tell me what to do
I have enough problems already.
Go to bed
And give me your dentures
‘Cause last night you bit me
And it’s bad to sleep with them in.
Take me to another world
A dream
Where everything smells better
And I can jump
Like a gazelle
Do gazelles jump?
They bound
I could bound like one
I could bound through a grassy savanna
Away from the tigers
Away from the bison
Away from you
You disgusting bison woman
Give me your teeth goddamnit
Why are you fighting me on this
It’s like you want to bite me.
I don’t know.
This isn’t how I’d imagined marriage
Maybe next life
I’ll come back
As something asexual
A self pollinator or cloner would be nice
Reproduction
Is not worth
This battle.
Bison woman
I think I love you
But I wanna know for sure
Come on and hold me tight…
…YES I got the teeth!
Sweet victory!
Sweet, sweet victory
Sweet dreams
I don’t know
Her teeth
Even when in my hand
Are so strong and square and darkly toned
They intimidate me
Ruminant teeth
Why would the dentist
Choose such a color
I guess he knew what matched her best
It’s more an art than a science
Like much of life
Like marriage
Sometimes brown is as close to white
As you can accept
And that’s not very close to white at all.
Fresh Hell 
Absolutely brilliant, I’m in bed giggling and snorting, and wow I’m glad I’ve still got my teeth, and now I’m thinking of all those funny/stupid little incidents I had with Carole, oh shit, I’ll some weird dreams tonight. 😊
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Hahaha
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Love this! Especially the part about the dentures.
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It’s so weird, I’m glad I’m not the only one who was entertained 😂
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Oh ROFL !!! I will never look at ‘teeth’ in the same light again 🙂 🙂
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Anytime you see someone whose fake teeth are stained and horrifying, now you know that their dentist chose to give them bison teeth 😉
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Lol!!!!
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LMAO! So that’s how it happens.
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This is masterful. A witty combo of humor and insight.
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Bison Woman! 😀
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I wonder if she’s very hairy.
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Haha, I’m sure she doesn’t shave, and I’m also sure she has that meaty lump of muscle on the back of her neck that only some people have
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This is a ton of laughs. I identify. I don’t have dentures but my husband does and they do cause a riff in my acceptance of them. No, I don’t take care of them. He does. But he does it often by putting them in my dishwater! So far I haven’t thrown them in the floor and stomped on them. I’m a saint. 😀 I think you are a new follower of mine. If so, you might not know just how to take me. Well for one thing that “I’m a saint” was a joke.
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LOL, anyone who manages to refrain from stomping on their spouse’s prosthetics is a saint in my book!
That would definitely bug me though, if someone put their teeth in the dishwater. I’m not sure whether I’d be more upset or amused.
Aging is hilarious. We just get grosser and care a little less about it with each passing day, much to the mortification of our younger friends 😂
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This is truly entertaining!
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😀 😀
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Marvelous, Sarah!!
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Haha, thank you! It might be one of my finer pieces 😁
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