Who We Respect
Who is your hero? Who do you really respect? Family, friends, historical figures, celebrities, bloggers… me…
What quality is it about that person that you love? I guess most people I admire, is for their kindness and compassion.
When I think of people I respect, I imagine their qualities as miles beyond my own capacity. There is no way I can match Audrey’s kindness, or dad’s generosity, or Jessica’s ability to draw someone out.
But this is the thing that I’ve noticed. Our heroes are who we are. The things that we love most about our heroes and try to emulate, are the things that we already are.
I feel very small when I try to imagine myself as extra generous, or kind, or approachable. I may not feel that I have achieved their level, but to an outsider it must be clear.
How can I back this up? Get this: people will compliment others on the things they want to be (and probably don’t realize that they already are). When they genuinely compliment someone, they probably already have that quality in spades. That is how they are able to recognize it in another.
For example, my sister Audrey will mention, with some despair, that she wishes she could be as kind and considerate to everyone as I am. But she always thinks to do the dishes and sweep the floor so our parents don’t have to, she is always the first to notice if someone says something cruel, she is the one that animals love. And she says she admires MY kindness, what a laugh, right?
Jessica has complimented me as being a self-assured, eye-catching woman who doesn’t give a shit. Of course, she is this very thing. She turns heads, she has no problem telling people off if they need it, and she is more empowered by her gender than restricted by it.
Dad always seems impressed at my communication skills, how I can spot a flaw in an argument. He thought I would make a good lawyer. Guess who I’ve never won an argument with.
Of course, there are moments when Audrey gets snippy, or Jessica has a crisis in confidence, or words fail Dad. I also have chinks in what I suppose to be my strengths. Nobody is perfect.
I think, when it comes to our personal values, we have higher standards for our own behavior. I am always trying to watch my tongue, because I have hurt people’s feelings before with unthinking, rough remarks. But maybe I am actually very good at not hurting people’s feelings. Maybe I just have such high standards for myself that when I mess up, I am devastated and feel I should redouble my efforts.
Just food for thought. You might not be as inadequate as you feel.
Fresh Hell 
“Guess who I have never won an argument with.”
Guess with whom I have never won an argument?
Guess who I have never lost an argument to… Guess to whom I have never lost an argument.
Why do I “lose to” but “win with?” Is this even English? How wrong am I? Why am I not asleep???
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’ve got it! “Guess who against whom I have never won an argument.”
LikeLike
I have to entertain myself somehow when I’m alone.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Guess against whom I haven’t ever had to have had to win an argument.
LikeLike
I don’t find anything wrong with your grammar.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! I’ll have to try harder!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m going with “whom”.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I think you’re right about we admire in others what we value in ourselves.
Of the many people I admire today, the one that most sticks out to me is Terese. She grew up in a moderately abusive environment without in any discernible way being negatively influenced by it. That’s not something I had to do. I grew up in a great environment. My second marriage, however — now that was a challenge not to become bitter and cynical.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Right. Since you spent a lot of time fighting the bitterness off (regardless of the arena), you can really appreciate her for what she has achieved.
Of course there are little exceptions to these things, there are exceptions to everything, but seems to hold largely true.
LikeLike
Killer post. It’s not often that you can actually write in detail about you’re loved ones and so easily highlight their strengths. You’re a fantastic writer, keep it up.
I find it easier to appreciate others and their kindness over my own as well. I have received many compliments throughout my life, perhaps I take my strengths for granted, since I have them. It is important to not only know why you appreciate someone, but to be able to communicate that to them as well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for the kind words ^_^
The nicest people are always the hardest on themselves! Maybe because they have the highest standards for what is nice…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Or, perhaps humility keeps them grounded.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I used to worry about being humble, strive to be humble. Now that I don’t worry about it anymore, I know I have attained actual humility.
Well, most of the time…
I guess what I mean is, they just need to stop worrying about it. Easier said than done, I know. But it’s best not to create a complex in your mind about stuff. If we could just realize when we’re wrong and then apply that to the future, we could all be a little less crazy. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
I just accept that I am fallible, corrupt and rarely if ever right. Just because I try to be kind and accepting of others, doesn’t mean that I should expect the same in return. I don’t know if I am truly humble or not, probably not.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah, I think we’ve gotten around to the same point now. Acceptance. Now that we’ve accepted that we’ll never really be humble, we’re better at it. It’s a funny paradox about people.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha, good point. You may be onto something.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I had to really think about this but you are correct. I do tend to compliment people on a nice dress, because I have no dress sense, or nice hair, cos I think mines not great, a person’s education because mines not as accomplished. I think I’m good at recognising others quality’s but I compare them too much to my own inadequacy. I should be more positive with what I can do I think 👍
LikeLiked by 1 person
The very fact that you can recognize and appreciate a nice dress, good hair, or a good education tells me plenty 😀
I worry more about the people who are ignorant of their ignorance, who have no clue that their clothes are tattered and stained, or are completely unaware of their rat’s nest hair 😀
LikeLike
I agree with your post. What I always say to my kids is, “If someone says something bad to you it’s because it true about themselves.” But I never thought to turn it around in a positive way. Swell thinking!
LikeLiked by 1 person
https://bottomlesscoffee007.com/2018/08/29/why-is-history-taught-but-rarely-if-ever-discussed-honestly-and-throughly/
LikeLike
It never occurred to me that I would be complementing someone about something that I already possess. I will have to try and keep a closer eye on it, and see.
However, it is so true that we can be our own worst critics. But I see it as a good thing. We should all better ourselves. Of course, do not go overboard in loathing yourself and praising others, just because you don’t think highly of yourself.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah, I’m working my way up from a pretty low area of self-loathing, so I don’t think I have to worry about being a cocky douchebag anytime soon. Oddly, the cocky douchebaggery was more prevalent when I had low confidence, because I’d bounce back and forth between the two extremes… balance is key
LikeLiked by 1 person